"Life moves pretty fast..."
Indeed it does. Or it seems to move pretty fast.
Things, stagnant for years, finally took its collective toll on me. I woke up and decided to take extraordinary measures, to do something about it, change my life.
An early midlife crisis. People on the stage don't get a real midlife, we get "mid-career."
Mid-career. Car ear. Careeeeer.
It was an ugly phrase when it was first laid upon my ears, referring to me, as, where I truly was. I mean, even as a student, I'd considered myself in my career. I'd been singing professionally all the way through... singing paid for my education.
But, even while I was in the midst of my budding career, I was still regarded as a student, a young artist and finally an artist. Then they threw in the mid-career artist. It's like someone see's your expiration date. I hadn't reached my potential and already I was on the other side of my youthful dreams of HAVING a career! I KNOW you know what I mean.
It wasn't just my career, my life, my ideals became guidelines rather than absolutes, money was insanely tight. Even less than tight, really. Options were scarce. Retiring for "corporate job" entered into my head. My dream and unshakeable work ethic was pushed to the limit. For years carrying the light... to JUST SING ...
My dreams weren't dreaming me anymore.
This crush took a lot of time. A decade for the settling to commence. After five albums, thousands of performances, weddings, funerals, television... I sang at The Met. Things, dreams I'd never had I got to do. I saw sights great architecture, worked with great artists, sang in world premieres... I was thinking well maybe it'd be okay. They couldn't take what I have done away from me.
Hm. Mid-career. My ideals are more than youthful theories. My ideas are supported by years of experience and research. I am certainly more canny... but I'm more grateful for what I have, consequently the advantages people take of me are more a gift than annoyance.
I awoke from my pity party and got to work. I relearned how to sing, reworked my musicality, my attitude and shifted my life to allow for things to HAPPEN.
And now they are happening. In a big way. All of a sudden. It's not that I'm at The Met or anything. But more than anything, I am working.
I didn't care about the fame or noteriety... Fame is a poo-throwing monkey on your back. It's fun and funny when things go well, but when the fun stops, there's prob'bly a little bit o' turd on your face. Just a wee bit.
SO just starting to work regularly is starting a revelation. The freakish amount of debt I have for school and (artistically successful) productions are on the verge of even being addressed.
I'm feeling a bit reborn.
Tonight Im singing with my favorite soprano in a town I dreamed of being in for most of my life.
Screw the lobster bisque! It's time to Twist & Shout!